Okay blog,

its been a while, and an update is deffo in order. So lets start with the biggest new of all;

I withdrew myself from the university for the creative arts, photography. The course really wasn't right for me. I wish it was, because as much as i disliked Farnham, the life style i had there and the homesickness i felt day by day , i would have still stomached the course. Its unbelievable how much i miss my house mates :'( Some a hell of alot more than others. i have made some LIFE LONG friends in that place and my heart aches every time i don't smell Torys hair down the hall, or hear Lukes knocking on the ceiling below my feet, when Hughy calls me a witch and pulls freaky faces and when lucinda makes yummy Japanese food in the kitchen :(

Im also really having a tough time feeling social back in London, i only have two friends here now (although they are two of my best friends and even if i had a million they'd still be my number ones). I wish i could bug them all the time, im so happy for them both enjoying their courses at uni. I hope they don't ever make a decision like what i made i want them both to be successful film makers and animators ;) I don't really feel my usual up beat self to go out and be loud, i pretty much just sit alone all day on facebook like a loser.

I really need to find myself a job to by the time. i was considering applying for another course in September to do Design at goldsmiths or London Met as the courses would suit me more as they're open and not so pigeon holed. But after speaking to a friend i kinda realised what id like to do, although everyone else i have told bar Katie and Jasmin haven't been too into the idea of massage. Its quite expensive to do really as i will have to pretty much strip myself back to science (not my strongest academic pathway) and be patient (also not a strong point of mine).

I WANT TO GO ON HOLIDAY THIS YEAR, EVEN IF ITS BY MYSELF! I need to go somewhere hot and relaxing so i can just chill the fuck out and enjoy being free. I would like to get a tan, but before all this i must tone this buddha body of mine. No im not going on a fat rant as i usually do, im just noticing i need to tone up a bit, then ill be happy :)

Even though i feel lonelier than ever, have no job, am a quitter and is poor... I still manage to have a massive smile on my stupid face, and i have no idea why. i feel the happiest i have ever been even though im sad.

xoxo